Can I be honest with you guys? I am having a really hard time realizing I’m going to be 33 very soon. It feels like just yesterday I was wine tasting in Napa to celebrate my 30th birthday and now I’m approaching mid thirties. I will say I’ve had the most incredible 30’s thus far but that’s because it has been met with restarting my life from scratch and opening and closing doors so suddenly and rapidly. Filled with endless adventures, fast paced music and a whole lot of love for this newfound freedom. I truly feel like I’ve been in fight or flight mode for so long that now it’s starting to wear on me. I mean in the year 2022 alone I flew in over 40 planes. Then the following year 2023 I would consider the best year of my life where I got to visit all of my dream destinations and fly thousands of miles. I feel like I’ve already peaked in life and now I’m just coasting to get to the next best thing. I was just joking with some friends that I have ants in my pants because I cannot sit still for the life of me. I now contemplate removing myself from the rave scene again because of how tired I feel and it makes me sad to even think about. I made the most drastic decision at 30 to leave my job that I loved and was so good at to buy a one way ticket to Spain without knowing a single soul. I felt then that I was running away from my life when really I was embarking on a journey that many could only dream of. I get to say I lived abroad and it taught me so many valuable lessons but it also allowed me to fall back in love with myself which I did not realize I needed. Some would say that my 20’s are jealous of my 30’s and they are probably right. I feel like I have lived a million different lives since my divorce and I’m only just getting started. I can’t remember another time period of my life when I’ve had this much fun while simultaneously feeling the most alone I’ve ever felt. I can even admit I didn’t party this hard in college and I went to one of the biggest party schools in the country. Besides that time I almost died in Colombia nothing has scared me more than the idea of living an unfulfilled life. I’m still seeking my purpose and I continue to be hard on myself because this is not exactly where I pictured myself to be at this age. But like the saying goes comparison is the thief of joy and I do recognize I’m in a different phase of life than most my age and that is totally okay. I am so grateful for the continued lessons and for embracing change even when it felt forced upon me. I sit in an attitude of gratitude for all that I have been able to experience like attending all my dream festivals and traveling as much as I have. I mean it when I say that if I were to die tomorrow, I would be happy with the life I’ve lived thus far. My outlook on life has drastically changed and now that I’ve been out of my marriage for three years I can’t even envision what life would have looked like had I stayed. I know now that love isn’t enough even though the lover girl in me truly believed it was. God put the desire in my heart to be a mom and the older I get the farther this dream seems but for now I will settle with being a rave mom which I am more than happy to be. I have high standards for myself and cannot and will not allow anyone to come disturb my peace that I have worked so hard to create. And for this reason I am also proud of myself for staying single thus far when the entirety of my 20’s I was committed to one person. Is it weird to admit that even though I haven’t had a boyfriend in over 10 years I think the idea of being called a girlfriend is so sweet and endearing. Not like that’s gonna happen anytime soon for me because it is absolutely atrocious out there. Let’s just say that nobody has gotten to a third date or even second or first with me in a long time because I don’t date. In the meantime all the love I have around me from my family and friends keeps me going. So if you are reading this thank you for being a part of my life and for continuing to support me. I only hope that my journey can continue to inspire and give other women hope. I truly love you all. I know God has a better plan for me than the one I had originally planned for myself. I sit at ease knowing to let go and let god and with that I can enter what I like to call my Jesus year.
Journey of Jessy 