23

A letter to my rave bae D. Upon reading this you will understand why the title is a number. I felt so heavily to write this out tonight so here I am. I have always been a fan of love, not just because of how it feels but for how it saves. When I decided to tattoo “amore” love in Italian on my ankle it wasn’t just to honor the married chapter of my life but to give myself the daily reminder that I will always walk with love and god by my side one step at a time. The moment we found each other, I ran. Ran into the crowd not realizing you were wanting to stay by my side. I told myself “oh uh I’m in trouble” because you seemed perfect. The moment we locked eyes when I took off my sunglasses remains engraved in my memory. I don’t even know what the words are to describe that moment besides magic. That first encounter the 23rd day of the month commenced our short lived romance. You allowed me to feel safe around you and I will forever be thankful for that because no other man has done that for me thus far. It feels like we lived many chapters in one weekend but there was one moment that puzzled me and I had been trying to understand. The use of the expression “I think you are my person.” I looked at you like you were insane because you were but here I am just as insane years later still remembering that moment. From the day we met to the second time I saw you, 23 days had passed. When we checked in to our hotel and got to our floor, it was on the 23rd floor. After that trip and upon things I witnessed my gut told me to run. I know I owed you an apology for how I discarded our connection so I did. Once we hung up the phone, it wasn’t until I got home that I realized that phone call lasted 23 minutes. I didn’t notice these small coincidences until much later when other things occurred. So by this point I asked myself where did 23 even come from? Then one day I woke up and I remembered your birthday is on the 11th & mine is on the 12th and when you add those up, you get 23. By this point I was convinced that your expression maybe was right. You are my person. For this reason alone I decided to keep that initial trip scheduled to visit you. Do you want to guess the number of the terminal gate on my way to you was? yep 23. As if I needed more conformation that I was doing the right thing. I never got to explain any of this to you because as fate would have it, my wanting to surprise you and being stupidly convinced of this ended up blowing up in my face. I’m not even there for 10 minutes when I see you pick up someone that isn’t me. This is where the story I had romanticized in my head completely falls apart and my heart is shattered. But I forgive you, because if you hadn’t done that, then I wouldn’t have found the wonderful friends I have now. I was so brave requesting an Uber to an address in the heart of the city to meet up with people I had never met and be welcomed with such welcoming arms by every single person in that room. I have plans to see them again soon but that wouldn’t have been possible had I been by your side that weekend. I let go and god rewarded me and continues to reward me. I will always hold those memories of us being glued to each other on the dancefloor close to my heart. Buying matching shirts and talking about marriage while on technically our first date is the type of energy that I needed. Having us on video due to the livestream is both so funny and cute because as you had said nothing makes you more rave bae official than that. I never imagined that I would ever see you again. I can’t even remember what I said it was such a blur but nonetheless I meant it when I said it was good to see you. I will always root for your happiness and hope that you do become the person I know you can be. I asked for you to heal and will continue to pray that to be the case. Love will find me again when the time is right. That first weekend filled my heart with so much optimism & hope that good men still exist. I can say that weekend you saved me. I can smile at this very small chapter of my life on what would coincidentally be the 23rd month of its journey.